captivemoments's Xanga

Latest news and my recent hospital stay.

Sun, 05 Apr 2009 23:24:49 GMT

It's been ages since I was on Xanga and even longer since I posted much of anything. I have to admit, it's getting harder to put myself out there. Facebook feels safer so I've pretty much restricted my internet world to FB. But several friends have reminded me they don't "do" Facebook so I'm gonna try to keep updates going here as well.

The biggest news in recent weeks is that we found out our match location for residency!! *drum roll please* And Todd got his first choice: An ER residency at Christus Spohn Hospital in Corpus Christi, Texas!!!! We have been hugely releaved to have that suspence behind us and a future in Todd's desired specialty. Competition was pretty firce this year for ER residency spots and especially those in areas of the country with nice climates! My family lives in San Antonio (only a few hours North of Corpus) so I couldn't be more happy to be moving closer to Mom!

My latest "adventure" was not one I'd have chosen but has been such an eye opening experience. It all started the weekend before last (March 21st). We've been working on our farm in Kansas every weekend trying to get it ready to be home until residency while we sell our house in Kansas City. I was surprised to see ticks on the children as they ran around playing and fort building around our 80 acre property. I was hoping they wouldn't be out yet but no such luck. I went to the store that afternoon and bought the strongest Off! I could find and sprayed everyone thoroughly. I only found one tiny little tick on my ankle that evening when I took my shoes off so I was pretty happy.

It was a hard weekend for me. I had felt for a couple of weeks like I was getting another sinus infection and was so tired of feeling run down and like my face was stuffed with cotton! Working out in the wind and chill wasn't making it any better. So Monday I crashed. I tumbled into bed and begged Todd to secure an antibiotic for me from the doc he was working with. He said he'd try and to get some rest. I was determined that I would go to one of those Minute Clinics on Tuesday if I couldn't get a prescription from Todd by that evening. ;)

No luck Monday but Todd said he'd get one Tuesday so I kept going. I felt run down still but I could do my usual schedule. Wednesday, I still didn't have an antibiotic and I was getting frustrated. I picked Todd up from work around noon so we could go see Todd's sister off to her hip replacement surgery. We grabbed a special treat of Starbucks on The Plaza (THE Kansas City hot spot! and one of the places I will miss... *sigh*). To my further delight he whipped out a script from his pocket! YAY!

When we got home after seeing Talitha, I folded some clothes, started supper, and picked up my antibiotic. I watched a movie before bed and started to feel a nasty headache coming on. By 11pm it was a doozer!! I went downstairs to sleep in more complete darkness but even the tiny light on the modem seemed to be drilling it's little green light straight through my brain!! I fought wave after wave of nausea. It felt like I was laying my head on a pillow of rocks! My muscles felt wound tight and I stretched and strained only to find no position was any more comfortable so I moaned and tossed all night! Oh, yeah, and I had chills. Awful, horrible chills!!!!

As soon as I heard Todd stir upstairs I groped my way up, holding both hands over my eyes, and called out for him to take me to the hospital. The kids put my shoes on me and a sweatshirt (that I later found out was Todd's from the dirty clothes!! It had grease and mud all over it from him working on our car!! =0). When we got there I was crying from the pain. They said I really didn't have much of a fever (99.7 or something), they gave me something for the nausea (thank GOD!), and then something for the pain which caused me to have some kind of massive panic attack! I felt like someone had their hands around my neck and was lifting me up off the floor. I could breathe but it was terrifying!! I'm sobbing and scrambling up the bed and begging them to make it stop. They gave me a big IV push of Benadryl and that made me cough for some strange reason only adding to my panic! I guess at that point they decided to just knock me out and that was such a blessed relief! They drew my blood and ran a few tests. Did a CT scan of my head and we waited to see what the radiologist would say. I should say Todd waited. I was in that blissful heavy fog. After a few hours they said I was just having a migraine, they thought, but to come back if any new symptoms showed up.

I could tell that the headache was still there just drugged up. And sure enough as soon as I got home and slept only a few hours it was back. And the chills with it! Todd filled the Vicodin prescription but it only helped me sleep through the pain. I don't know how I got through the next couple of days... They are very foggy. The pain was terrible. I was forever shaking and sweating. I went only to the bath room and back. I threw up once, I think. I didn't eat more than a tiny bite of something a couple of times a day. I remember thinking Saturday afternoon that it would be nice to take a bath. Trenton ran me a tub of tepid water and I was shocked to see red spots all over me when I got undressed! They were all over my hands and arms and legs and stomach - everywhere!!

I stumbled back to bed after my short bath and a few hours later, when Todd stopped in to check on me I poked my arm out from the covers and said, "Look at this. What do you think is going on??" Todd paced around the room in silence. I could see his gears turning. =) "You've been on the antibiotic 3 days now, right." I knodded. "You don't feel any better?" "No." I said. "You should be feeling better by now." He paced some more... "Well, we have to take you back to the hospital. This is new." I remembered my tick bite on my ankle and poked my leg out from under the covers. The red spots on that leg were the worst! And the tick bite it's self still looked dark red and irregular shaped. Todd said, "I think that's Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever. We definitely have to get you back to the hospital."

So back we went. By the time we got there it was midnight in the middle of a nasty spring snow storm here in KC. They were busy and not really interested in seeing "headache girl" again. This nurse came in to explain that I was supposed to follow up with my doctor and that I wasn't going to get better until I talked to him but I wasn't needing treatment in the ER - a headache is "non-emergent". Todd said, "Did you take her temperature?" She mumbled something about not being sure, and grabbed the machine and stuck the probe in my mouth. 102.4! She mumbled something else and left the room. A nurse practitioner stopped in and asked some questions. She looked curiously at my ankle and my hands and disappeared. The same doctor I had seen Thursday morning appeared. He seemed concerned to see me back and after seeing the spots on my hands and my ankle started ordering tests. I reminded everyone at that point that I was still in massive pain and the blessed morphine was brought hitherto... I was surprised that it didn't totally take the pain away but I was happy to be much more comfortable. I still had chills so they gave me 3 tablets of Tylenol. An hour later my temp was 103.2!! So Motrin was ordered. I took 800mg of Motrin and still my fever didn't come down for several more hours. The wise guy who drew my blood (VERY painfully!!!) cracked jokes and kept us entertained for quite sometime. The "this is non-emergent" nurse became nice as she could be as they made preparations to admit me for the next 48 hours for treatment. Other doctors and nurses were fascinated with my case and would stop by to stare at my legs. (heh, lovely... =\ ) More drugs for pain and nausea and I was back in lala land so I barely remember my trip up to the 11th floor where I would remain for the next 2 and a half days.

Apparently Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever isn't really in this area yet. Our farm, being 2 hours South of KC, is a little closer to the edge of the known populations of infected ticks but still not considered to be an "at risk" area. The doctor they assigned to my case is a renound tick born disease specialist and he was just about hopping from foot to foot to find my case! lol! He's traveled all over studying ticks and the many kinds of infectious diseases they carry. He was so hoping I'd saved my tick for him to study! I laughed outright at this! Why in the world would I save a tick I pulled off my leg? We get them all the time! He laughed too and said he's saved every tick that has ever bitten him and then proudly opened his wallet to show off the tick that actually gave him Lyme disease!! He was a funny guy! He is in the middle of finishing up his book on the subject and eagerly asked if he could put pictures of my leg in his book!! =| I did agree but I hope I never see that book!!

So round after round of extremely painful IV antibiotics and I'm home taking the pills now. My right arm, where they had the IV, is still very sore and swollen. I'm incredibly weak and still have no appetite. I get dizzy easily and still fight nausea but I'm so much better already. The pain is totally gone!

And that's my crazy tick story! And pretty much all the news around here. I'll try to be more faithful here on Xanga. I have miss you all!!

Gender discrimination. Are we pointing the finger in the wrong direction?

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 00:23:03 GMT

I read a post on Momaroo earlier about whether women handle stress better than men. And it got me to thinking. I wrote a comment but it's still bugging me.

This had already been nagging at the back of my mind as I watched the first few episodes of the first season of Lipstick Jungle. I was thinking it would be a fun, lighthearted chic show but it definitely had an agenda. A distinctly feminist agenda.

Frankly this bias toward women is everywhere in the media. It's lurking behind jokes on sitcoms; written into story lines in cops shows, hospital dramas, and news casts each and every night. And if that wasn't enough, the ads in between take every cheep shot they can get at men in general. And while I don't personally sit and watch much TV, when I do I'm always surprised that someone thinks this is necessary or even ok.

I understand that discrimination is alive and well in America. Personally I don't think that will ever completely go away. I'm not just being pessimistic here. Anyone who knows me knows I'm far from it! It's just part of that dark humanity that will always rear it's ugly head apart from Christ.

I fight discrimination wherever I see it and firmly teach my children not to see race, color, religious affiliation or any thing like that. We regularly have muslim friends into our home. We have Russian Orthodox friends over regularly, too. The neighbors on both sides of us are open homosexuals. We treat them like any other neighbor. And to tell you the truth they are the best neighbors we've ever had. Trenton's best friend from school was African American. But frankly, most of the prejudice I see out in the world is directed at the white males here in America.

Women in America will not stand for being stereotyped or confined to certain expectations. But we see nothing whatever wrong with simply placing the shoe on the other foot and doing it to men. Even if you buy into the feminist movement haven't we learned anything from this journey to autonomy and equality? Why must we trample men under foot and treat them in ways we wouldn't dream of allowing ourselves to be treated now that we've achieved what we were after? Yet we leave them no recourse. No ability to say I won't be treated this way. Councilors are seeing men in record numbers suffering from emotional abuse at the hands of women and they feel they have no way out except leaving and giving her everything she wants in the process. I'm not saying men don't lash out in unthinkable ways nor am I using this post as an excuse for any man's bad behavior. I'm simply saying we are no longer seeing men as superior in American culture anymore. Nor are we treating men and women as equals. We have moved rapidly right past equality into a new form of bigotry: and it's directed towards men.

In my own marriage roles and levels of importance were hashed out every few days it seemed for years and years. We argued for our own self-importance and struggled to feel valued for the job we did. I couldn't let a comment like, "Honey, you have no idea how stressful my day has been..." to go by without shooting back, "Well, you have NO idea how hard MINE was!" And off we were. Deep in debate over responsibility levels, physical exertion, and pressures from deadlines, employers, or babies. It never ended well. Looking back I know all he wanted was for me to hug him and say, "Babe, I'm so sorry your day was rough." and maybe think to myself that right now might not be the best time to mention that the washer broke today. But seriously! What were we trying to prove? We loved each other and deeply valued what the other did for us every day. But those feelings of insecurity and lack of value creep in on the best of us. Finally we had to sit down and lay down a strict rule of NO COMPARISONS! Yes, I still have to bite my lip sometimes when he says I don't understand but in reality how could I? or He me, for that matter? We have different jobs and responsibilities and they both carry heavy weight. We just have to leave it at that.

I know that I am deeply blessed with a husband who, to me, is "larger than life". Honestly it's hard living with such a disciplined person! I love being impulsive and chasing after my latest whim. But because of his drive, focus, and determination he has achieved so much in his short life and when I really stop to look at it, I've spent most of my adult life riding on his coat tails. Lol! But I learned early in my marriage that stereotyping would not work on my husband. For example, he is very athletic and extremely coordinated but, while he played every sport in High School, he never really got into it like his dad and brothers. There is no Football season at our house. Or Basketball season. Not because we have anything against it. I enjoy watching sports with a bunch of friends. I grew up cheering for Carolina along side my dad during March Maddness. But that's just not apart of our family.

My husband is careful and conservative. He plans years ahead if he can and yet excepts change with the same determination and discipline. He has a huge pain threshold and can go without sleep, food, or comfort for days on end to accomplish something he feels is worthwhile. He won't stay in bed when he gets sick. He probably likes to be fussed over the same as anyone but he always seems to me to just keep going and going.

There are plenty of men out there that probably fit the stereotypical male in America but is that because they are "just men" or is that what we have led them to believe we expect? I often wonder if respect and autonomy and equality were a two way street if we would see more men in America like my husband. I wonder if we see everything though a bigoted lens and therefore only see what we expect to see. We let the angry feminists behind our media interpret our men for us and never really stop to think maybe our whole basis is off. How can we expect fairness and unbiased concideration when we give none? Maybe if we spent a little more time doing unto others as we would have them do unto us we might see a whole new side of the men in our world!

It comes in waves

Wed, 10 Sep 2008 23:55:12 GMT

...this feeling that I just can't bring myself to get enough done everyday. I struggle to move. All I want to do is sleep. Emotions feel trapped under the surface unable to find a way out. The crushing weight of laundry (the pile is over my head again...), yard work Todd can't possibly do, errands, repairs, oil changes, schooling, paper work for residency, financial stuff. It just goes on and on. I feel like I've got some fat man sitting on my chest and I can't get that darned buster to move!!

And the more school we do the dirtier my house gets! Tegan and Tyler get a kick out of raiding the kitchen while I'm working on school with the other children. They spread rolled oats all inside my carpets, couches, and kitchen drawers one morning. Another day they climbed up and found the syrup. I'm still touching things that are sticky from syrup hands, and that was days ago!! The worst thing is the bathroom. They take baths every time I turn around! Wet clothes and floors; whole bottles of shampoo emptied into the tub. Bubbles everywhere!!! I can't keep the soap and shampoo away from them!! No matter where I've tried hiding it, they find it and use the whole thing in one bath. I've tried assigning an older child to watch the younger ones and taking turns, but the older child ends up playing in the back yard, reading a book, or playing in their room while the little ones do their thing. It's maddening!! The mess is getting monumental. My poor husband is afraid to come home from work! And my house is starting to stink!!

But I have to get my self together. Sinking into depression or frozen panic won't fix anything or make my life any more doable. I have to shake the overwhelming sense of failure and defeat! My children are happy, well fed, and loving having their mommy teach them. We've talked more in the past few weeks. Ya, know. Just talked. They ask me lots of questions and we talk about how God has such a special and unique plan for their lives. They've been asking to hear more details about how their daddy and I met. I never get tired of telling those stories! We have loved on each other more in these past few weeks and I just can't get enough of being with them!

Todd and I, too, have just carved out time to love on each other. He listens to me melt down and has been so patient with my screwed up coping mechanisms and been willing to love me exactly where I'm at. I don't know where he finds the energy for that with his crazy schedule but I adore him for it!! This pain in my chest is probably also from the dread of him leaving the end of the month for two whole months on the road.... I can't even process what the pain of not having him around will be like! I thought I would die the 5 weeks we were apart several years ago... (This is just too much to think about! I'm gonna make myself sick.)

So I'm really ok. A dirty house isn't the end of the world and my laundry pile is shrinking (albeit at such a minuscule rate it's barely noticeable ) and school is happening. The world will keep grinding on even if I'm not "super mom"...

Photos from my trip in May...

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 20:47:24 GMT

...embarrassing but yes, I am only now finally editing and posting them! So here are a few highlights in photos:

My wonderful Aunt Suzy and Uncle Chuck. My hosts for the weekend! Love you two!!

And of course no Hartis reunion is complete without a "hymn sing":

This is Great Uncle Clifford, the oldest living Hartis sibling. He is my Grandmother Goforth's brother.
Most people brought family photo albums, both past and present.

Smiling faces and loving hugs...

It's just the run of the mill Hartis reunion! The day only lacked my own dearly missed grandparents. I did get a chance to visit their graves. Frank and Johnie Goforth. We all miss them so much...

Watching Your Child Struggle

Sun, 10 Aug 2008 17:35:20 GMT

As I picked out a seat for church, and settled myself and the three littlest girls I had with me this morning, I tried not to dread what was coming. First off, I really don't like going to church without Todd. He makes everything feel more complete. It also evens out the responsibilities with 5 little ones in the service. But today Todd was out of town helping his family with some projects this weekend and had taken Trenton and Trina along with him.

For a change I was about 3 minutes early. I had my pick of the seats and chose a nice one on the second to the last row on the end so I could easily slip out. I really wished Tegan had felt like being in the nursery this week. But the second we hit the parking lot she'd started crying and saying she wanted to stay with mommy. It's been a rough week for her with school starting and all the focus going to the other kids so I worried she needed to sit with mommy for an hour instead of being dropped off in the nursery she usually enjoys. But that left me without the resources I desperately was going to need to handle my sweet darling Tyler.

Church has slowly become very different for our family. We used to be the "model" family. Our three little angels all lined up sitting attentively on the second row with the baby serenely sleeping in mother's arms. Nearly every week somebody complemented us on what well behaved children we had. When our 4th child, Tyler, was old enough and she started going to the nursery she did well but when she was about to turn 4 they reminded us that it was time she graduated out. We took a deep breath and started the training process with her. The being quiet part came quickly but holding her on your lap was like trying to hold on to 4 active puppies at once without letting a single one escape for an hour and a half! No matter how many times we whispered in her ear or took her out for discipline she still wiggled around and jerked her body this way and that without warning. I've gotten a fat lip more than once from her jerking her head back so suddenly and nailing me right in the teeth! She fiddles with my buttons, grabs at my hair, plants big smoochy kisses right on my carefully glossed lips, and rumples my skirt into embarrassing bunches, all while smiling hugely and looking all around curiously. When corrected she whispers cheerily, "Yes, momma.' and "Sorry, momma." with genuine contrition. But the wiggling and jerking just continues.

And during the songs she belts one note at the top of her lungs or randomly shrieks a blood curdling scream of pure joy that jolts the poor senior citizen in front of us into near heart failure! We apologize profusely in whispers but they only scowl like, "why can't you control your kid?" Tyler just beams at them as if completely oblivious to their painful, throbbing eardrums. We whisper more reminders which are met with more, "Ok, momma"s in the same cheery tone.

If we don't watch carefully between services our precious Tybee will climb onto a chair and wait for some unsuspecting stranger to get close enough and then launch herself into their arms and engulf them in a massive bear hug; complete with arms and legs wrapped around them and then cling there as if she belongs. The look of pure shock and panic is plainly evident on the poor victim's face and we have to rush to pry her loose while again apologizing profusely! If we don't get there fast enough she's been known to plant a wet smooch right on their mortified lips! Needless to say, we no longer get complements on our children's behavior! Unknowingly, Tyler's presence casts a shadow over the entire clan and people hardly notice the other children's good behavior.

Now please don't misunderstand what I am saying here. I know that people's approval or disproval of my children or how they appear in public is of absolutely no eternal value and I honestly don't desire pats on the back or praise for my parenting. What's hard are the head shakes, the eye rolls, the puffs of air. Very few people take the time to see past the wiggles and outbursts of enthusiasm to see a little girl who is simply different. One can find no malice. No bad attitude. A precious Sunday School teacher of Tyler's once told me that Tyler was one of the most obedient little girls she had in her class. She laughed as she said, "I ask Tyler, 'Go back to your seat.' and she goes right back. Of course she doen't stay there but about 30 seconds but as soon as I reminder her, 'Tyler, go back to your seat.' she goes right back again. Over and over and over throughout the entire class. We get along fine. She just needs a lot of reminders." I felt so bad she had to constantly remind my child of something so simple as 'stay in your seat' but I deeply appreciated her kindness and understanding!

But this morning as I prepared mentally to go to battle with the wiggles my heart just sank. Lord, how is this gonna work? How am I going to educate her? What can I do to help her? How do I deal with the kids who snub her and the parents who specify that Trenton, Trina, and Tacey can come play but not Tyler? I know she feels it, Lord! What in the world can I do??

It is such an incredible privilege to raise such a unique and enthusiastic little person as our Tyler! We don't take it for granted! We want to do right by her from the depth of our souls! But she has so many struggles to overcome and hurdles to get over and she isn't even 5 yet! I see the frustration building. I see the glimmers of pain lurking behind those beautiful blue eyes and it breaks my heart! We are committed to doing everything it takes but I feel so weary and I've just been fighting the Sunday service wiggles!! As this next week approaches and I tackle kindergarten with her I am terrified that I'll be pulling my hair out in the first five minutes! How am I going to find the kind of help I need without being pushed to put her on drugs or encouraged to just let the professionals handle her. She isn't retarded or brain damaged! She's just TYLER! You can call it ADHD but it doesn't change the fact that she's our little girl and we intend to treat her as we would any of our other children.

Our other children have little friends over, take trips to grandma's, and go play at friends houses. I want these things for Tyler, I just don't know how to help her prepare for them or help educate the people who are about to have her descend upon their home! Just whispering, 'she has ADHD...' with a wink isn't going to help things and I certainly don't want to start making excuses for her or throwing labels around! But what other options do I have?

Plus momma needs a break! I'm at this full time. Cleaning up messes, perpetually asking her to stop screaming for no apparent reason other than she's happy or excited or just playing, ever rescuing cats, dogs, and birds from sudden demise at her capable hands, constantly checking on where she is, and trying to keep her from taking the 8th bath of the day!! She obsesses over water (which she LOVES), "scary toys" (which is totally random and changes from day to day), thunder (which both thrills and terrifies her at the same time), the current story she is trying to tell over and over (each time shifting gears before the whole thought is out), and the dog (who she is constantly trying to lead around on a leash and inadvertently almost strangling every hour or so). I love the adventure but sometimes it would be nice to have some time without worrying about her. Or at least have someone to talk to who gets it!

Speaking of I haven't heard from her in a while so I'd better head outside to make sure the dogs are still alive!

~Ta ta, for now...

And the start date aproaches...

Fri, 01 Aug 2008 23:33:55 GMT

I had sort of gotten used to not being a "homeschool mom" and here we go again. Not that I don't like the term or being one it's just another adjustment. The kids are going through it a bit I think too. Trenton is really excited about the shiny new computers that showed up on Tuesday and all the mysterious boxes that arrived on Wednesday. But he's still not so sure about being so socially isolated. I need to be more diligent about having children over to play (especially boys) and get him involved in some sports activities. Alyssa, you are the athletic one... what's the next season coming up? Where do you find affordable sports leagues? Poor guy is stuck with all these sisters and his mother 90% of the time and I think he's getting to the age he wants to get out and do somethings without all us girls hovering around him. Todd would take him with him everywhere he went but I think it's some kinda HIPA violation to take your kid to work with you in an ER... LOL! It's hard on Todd that they can't hang out more and he does every chance he gets but Trenton needs good social outlets as his personality is very extroverted and he thrives on being involved in group activities. But I digress...

We are really excited about school. I spent like 20 minute (seriously 20 MINUTES!) planning my school year. All the lessons from K12 come pre-loaded into our online account and set up in a daily format so all I have to do is log in, click on a specific childs name, and their lessons for that day appear. If I want to only do Science and History on Tuesdays and Thursdays I just click a few buttons in the planning page and it sets it all up. I then can hit "calculate end date" and it tells me what day we will be finished with the entire year for that subject. Like in Tacey's case, she tested as behind in her Language Arts (LA) since the school here put her back into Kindergarten. She was ready for 2nd grade in Math, History, and Science but needed to play catch up in LA. So they ordered her the 1st grade LA and when she is done with that they will order her the 2nd grade LA course right then. So I messed with her schedule to double up on LA lessons on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays which means she will be done with 1st grade LA around the end of January and ready to order 2nd grade level LA. We should then be able (if we work into the Summer) to finish that in time for her to start 3rd grade caught up to grade level in all her subjects. I just love this!!

I know she already knows a lot of this stuff so all I have her do is if we come to a lesson I know she gets I just have her take the Lesson Assessment and if she passes it she can go on and doesn't have to do the lesson but can then move on to something she needs work on. This is soooo way cool to me! The kids can get as far ahead as they want to and work at their own pace. If it takes Trina an hour to do just one lesson she can take all that time she needs to. If she gets it in 5 minutes she can go on to something else. Mindless busy work isn't required and I love that. But if they need it, it's there.

So I have this weekend to get all my ducks in a row (ha! pretty much literally!) 'cause Monday we are gonna kick things off. Lawrence Virtual School recommended starting two weeks early with Trenton and Trina to minimize the chaos a bit. That way I can figure out what we are doing and trouble shoot with only two to start out with. Then add in the other two once the older ones are settled into a routine and kinda know what they are doing leaving me to focus on the the littler two. We decided to make over a corner of our basement into a classroom so now all I need to do is get the new computers all set up, unpack the 15 some odd boxes filled with their school supplies and check off to make sure everything is here, find places to store all that stuff, and purchase any other supplies we'll need to get started. Whew! My head is spinning! I sure hope this isn't as crazy as it feels like it is going to be... We don't get assigned our Education Specialists until mid-August so hopefully she won't be walking into a crazy mess! (my biggest fear right now...)

In other news, Todd is started into his 4th year full swing. It's been amazing to watch all the details come together for his rotations out of state! For the next 4 months he'll be doing rotations in the ER (his chosen specialty) so he's really looking forward to these months. For August and September he's here in town but then for October he'll be in Corpus Christi, TX and straight from there to Greenville, NC for the month of November. Yeah... That means I won't see him for 2 whole months!! Not even for the weekend!! I'm already dreading that but these are great opportunities for him so I'm choosing to be as excited as he is... *gulp* Ok, that isn't working but hey! I'm trying!!!!

Please Pray for Todd's Board Exam Today!

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:00:00 GMT

I don't usually do this. But watching my man put in hour after hour of studying over the past few weeks I know he deserves to do well but with 6 (and often 7 to 10!) kiddlies running in and out of the house and all around him, quality studying is hard to come by!!! So if you think of it, pray for him today as he takes this exam that all the work that he put into studying the past few years of information would come back to him and that he would have a clear un-hindered mind able to focus and move quickly through the questions. This test is like a 8 hour exam so also pray for his stamina and endurance. He's already exhausted from studying and tired of looking at a screen. Please pray for renewed focus and enthusiasm for the subject. THANKS SO MUCH!!

Finally some news!

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 16:20:08 GMT

Thanks so much to those of you who expressed care for me with my exhaustion. I have been really tired and run down; struggling with headaches and feelings of pressure with the housework and organization, photography work, and just having to run everyone everywhere to squeeze in all the Summer fun that we can! But all this "fun" is just tons of work for me and I'm just plain tired. But I'm finally getting more sleep and am making plans to simplify my life quite a bit. More on that below...

But in other news, Todd is studying for Step 2 Boards (which is huge and only a few days away now, on the 24th) and needs to be left alone but I just keep bugging him or getting in his way trying to do laundry and holler at the kids at the same time! LOL! He's patient and takes breaks to talk to me when I start to loose it but I feel so guilty taking away from his study time at all... And then of course once Boards are done he and I both have to hit the applications for residency hard and knock all that out! There is just massive amounts of paperwork to do to have everything ready and I'm glad to finally be able to be helpful with something tangible! (I mean besides ironing shirts and pants and cooking meals!)

*side note: I was watching House last night and all I could think of while watching these doctors argue back and forth on treatment plans and possible diagnosis was 'that shirt must have taken 15 minutes to iron so nice' and 'how long it must have taken to decide which tie to hang up with it'... I hate that job! Ya know... just for the record! Scrubs are so much easier to wash and fold!!! Can't wait until the hospital washes and folds his scrubs and I don't have to iron dress shirts, pants, and lab coats anymore or find ties to match!!!...end side note*

So Summer is coming to a close and Todd and I have done almost nothing fun for just us. No date nights; only the occasional movie night (at home, of course) and I'm fresh out of creativity to spice things up! I know, this pity party is getting me nowhere but med school somehow is sucking the life out of us and I'm just about to loose complete patience with it! Only 9 more months but I'm starting to wonder if I'll survive!! (I will. It just feels good to say that sometimes...)

And now to the big changes... So the "great public school experiment" was fine and the kids learned a lot. We finally met all kinds of nice families in our neighborhood that we didn't even know existed and Trenton was able to get caught up to grade level but he struggled with bullies and social pressure. He came home sometimes grouchy and aggressive and we started to get concerned. We could talk him through it but looking at years of these same kids had us wondering what the effect of that would be. The girls... well, I'm a little disappointed with myself for giving in on the grade change. They were both bored and under-challenged and felt a little foolish for being so old in their class. On the one hand, Tacey was having a blast hanging out with all the little kids in Kindergarten but she was bored academically. Trina, from the first moment she showed up in 1st grade was instantly the love of "Ian's" life, this little boy in her class. She was teased to death about it and she was really embarrassed by his flirtatiousness. This is FIRST GRADE people!! FIRST GRADE! What is up with first grade boys hitting on little first grade girls?? We helped her to deal with it and handle the teasing but she was really tired of it and so were we. Trina started begging in March to be homeschooled again and we started doing some thinking.

Listening to AM talk radio one day I heard an ad for K12 and the Lawrence Virtual School. I tucked it into the back of my mind and then one day when Todd and I were talking about the things we missed about homeschooling I mentioned the ad. I looked up the website and started doing some research. LVS is a federally funded public school but it is completely online and requires no attendance. The best part for me was the personal teacher assigned to the students. The students are assigned an Education Specialist w ho is a certified Kansas teacher. She helps organize lessons to fit our lifestyle, set realistic goals for each semester, trouble shoot any road blocks or learning challenges, and provides support and guidance when needed. She monitors the student's progress and makes sure we are on track to finish the year out on time. If we get behind she can help us put together a new schedule with realistic goals so we can get back on track. One of my biggest struggles with homeschooling was accountability and staying on track so this part of LVS was huge to me! I wasn't about to tackle homeschooling again only to fail so this had to be something way different then what we had been doing.

But truly for us one of the linch pins in our decision was finding out that since it is federally funded as a public school it is free to residents of Kansas! The program comes with all books and supplies, a computer with built in wireless internet access, and a printer all free of charge, including shipping right to your door! Since we still own our farm in Kansas we had decided when we moved to Kansas City, Missouri to keep our residency status in Kansas and live in Missouri as students. That worked well for us since the farm was our only source of real income during medical school and we were there on a regular basis. I talked to the enrollment center and explained our duel residency issues and they didn't have any problem with it. We could still enroll since we are Kansas tax payers. I started to really get excited!

So we started through the enrollment process. We didn't talk to the kids much about it still waiting to see what would happen as we got further into the process. I was completely surprised that the people I was talking to throughout the enrollment really knew homeschooling and had a love and respect for what it was and why it worked. They knew the individualized training was superior and that the parents are the best primary educators of their children. I was shocked! They stressed over and over that this wasn't just "online public school" this was HOMESCHOOL and would need the lifestyle and commitment of traditional homeschooling. I couldn't believe what I was hearing... The education specialists I met were homeschool moms who worked from home helping other homeschool families. It was awesome! I could relate to their schedule. One mom/specialist said they do all their Math, Language Arts, Science, and History during the traditional school year and the electives such as Art, Music, and Spanish in the Summer. Some families work one month and then take one week off all year round instead of taking a Summer vacation. "You can do that?" I asked? "Sure! The virtual school is open year round!" they assured me. I love that!

So we received the acceptance packet in the mail and we sat down with the kids and the DVD they sent. When it was over they were so excited they were jumping around the livingroom so excited they couldn't contain it! Trenton couldn't wait for the microscope to come in the mail and to start his school early in the morning before the girls got up. Trina and Tacey were thrilled to be placed back on grade level and able to catch up. Another bonus of the Kansas school system was that Tyler met the cut off for enrollment in Kindergarten. In Missouri her birthday was too late for her to be enrolled but Kansas had a different date and she was eligible. Todd and I wanted her in Kindergarten as early as possible to give her time to adjust to the schedule and figure out what was expected of her with the whole schooling thing. If she really struggled (which I know she will) then she can repeat a grade and still be on track age wise. And also since this is public school they have specialists trained in dealing with learning disorders and challenges. I need that support and guidance when it comes to her special needs. She's darling but she focuses about as well as a 6 week old puppy! lol! I need all the help I can get!

And there you have it! The latest adventures in education for our family. We are excited but I am planning on stepping back from my internet and phone life for a while. If you call and I don't call you back right away please understand that it kills me!! I love my dear friends and would ten times rather chat with you all then do school with the kiddos... I would much rather read blogs and write articles on photography than cook supper or put on the 10th load of laundry for the day. But I needed a reality check and I think these past few weeks have been just that. I'm gonna be saying "no" more now and being fine with it. I'm gonna turn on the answering machine and the ringer off and not notice the messages. But if you do call, PLEASE leave a message! I love to at least hear your voice and know that I am loved even if I can't chat right then!

So peace and joy is my focus for the next few weeks and getting started with K12. Thanks so much for staying with me through this massive post! I'll really miss you all!!!

Our 4th, in photos...

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 16:52:00 GMT

The Site...

The kiddos...

Exausted..

Sat, 05 Jul 2008 18:16:02 GMT

I should have pictures to include with this post but I am just barely functioning... This week has taken way too much out of me and I don't even know where to start catching you up on the busy-ness!! Testing with all 4 oldest kiddos, madly trying to keep the house work from getting away from me, planning a 4th of July cookout for 15 people, getting the kids ready to be in the first annual 4th of July parade in our neighborhood, spending hours talking and trying to catch up with Todd, wrestling with some newfound personal issues/problems, and now subsequently sinking into a hole of depression and exhaustion that I'm not sure how to recover from all could have something to do with my mood this afternoon!! Ok, just writing that makes me feel better... I think I'd better stop while I'm ahead[?] (or behind or whatever). I have a feeling this will only go downhill from here.... I think I'll rent a movie, eat a leftover hamburger, and try to feel more human.