Tuesday, 30 September 2008

• Gender discrimination. Are we pointing the finger in the wrong direction?

  I read a post on Momaroo earlier about whether women handle stress better than men. And it got me to thinking. I wrote a comment but it's still bugging me.
  
  This had already been nagging at the back of my mind as I watched the first few episodes of the first season of Lipstick Jungle. I was thinking it would be a fun, lighthearted chic show but it definitely had an agenda. A distinctly feminist agenda.
  
  Frankly this bias toward women is everywhere in the media. It's lurking behind jokes on sitcoms; written into story lines in cops shows, hospital dramas, and news casts each and every night. And if that wasn't enough, the ads in between take every cheep shot they can get at men in general. And while I don't personally sit and watch much TV, when I do I'm always surprised that someone thinks this is necessary or even ok.
  
  I understand that discrimination is alive and well in America. Personally I don't think that will ever completely go away. I'm not just being pessimistic here. Anyone who knows me knows I'm far from it! It's just part of that dark humanity that will always rear it's ugly head apart from Christ.
  
  I fight discrimination wherever I see it and firmly teach my children not to see race, color, religious affiliation or any thing like that. We regularly have muslim friends into our home. We have Russian Orthodox friends over regularly, too. The neighbors on both sides of us are open homosexuals. We treat them like any other neighbor. And to tell you the truth they are the best neighbors we've ever had. Trenton's best friend from school was African American. But frankly, most of the prejudice I see out in the world is directed at the white males here in America.
  
  Women in America will not stand for being stereotyped or confined to certain expectations. But we see nothing whatever wrong with simply placing the shoe on the other foot and doing it to men. Even if you buy into the feminist movement haven't we learned anything from this journey to autonomy and equality? Why must we trample men under foot and treat them in ways we wouldn't dream of allowing ourselves to be treated now that we've achieved what we were after? Yet we leave them no recourse. No ability to say I won't be treated this way. Councilors are seeing men in record numbers suffering from emotional abuse at the hands of women and they feel they have no way out except leaving and giving her everything she wants in the process. I'm not saying men don't lash out in unthinkable ways nor am I using this post as an excuse for any man's bad behavior. I'm simply saying we are no longer seeing men as superior in American culture anymore. Nor are we treating men and women as equals. We have moved rapidly right past equality into a new form of bigotry: and it's directed towards men.
  
  In my own marriage roles and levels of importance were hashed out every few days it seemed for years and years. We argued for our own self-importance and struggled to feel valued for the job we did. I couldn't let a comment like, "Honey, you have no idea how stressful my day has been..." to go by without shooting back, "Well, you have NO idea how hard MINE was!" And off we were. Deep in debate over responsibility levels, physical exertion, and pressures from deadlines, employers, or babies. It never ended well. Looking back I know all he wanted was for me to hug him and say, "Babe, I'm so sorry your day was rough." and maybe think to myself that right now might not be the best time to mention that the washer broke today. But seriously! What were we trying to prove? We loved each other and deeply valued what the other did for us every day. But those feelings of insecurity and lack of value creep in on the best of us. Finally we had to sit down and lay down a strict rule of NO COMPARISONS! Yes, I still have to bite my lip sometimes when he says I don't understand but in reality how could I? or He me, for that matter? We have different jobs and responsibilities and they both carry heavy weight. We just have to leave it at that.
  
  I know that I am deeply blessed with a husband who, to me, is "larger than life". Honestly it's hard living with such a disciplined person! I love being impulsive and chasing after my latest whim. But because of his drive, focus, and determination he has achieved so much in his short life and when I really stop to look at it, I've spent most of my adult life riding on his coat tails. Lol! But I learned early in my marriage that stereotyping would not work on my husband. For example, he is very athletic and extremely coordinated but, while he played every sport in High School, he never really got into it like his dad and brothers. There is no Football season at our house. Or Basketball season. Not because we have anything against it. I enjoy watching sports with a bunch of friends. I grew up cheering for Carolina along side my dad during March Maddness. But that's just not apart of our family.
  
  My husband is careful and conservative. He plans years ahead if he can and yet excepts change with the same determination and discipline. He has a huge pain threshold and can go without sleep, food, or comfort for days on end to accomplish something he feels is worthwhile. He won't stay in bed when he gets sick. He probably likes to be fussed over the same as anyone but he always seems to me to just keep going and going.
  
  There are plenty of men out there that probably fit the stereotypical male in America but is that because they are "just men" or is that what we have led them to believe we expect? I often wonder if respect and autonomy and equality were a two way street if we would see more men in America like my husband. I wonder if we see everything though a bigoted lens and therefore only see what we expect to see. We let the angry feminists behind our media interpret our men for us and never really stop to think maybe our whole basis is off. How can we expect fairness and unbiased concideration when we give none? Maybe if we spent a little more time doing unto others as we would have them do unto us we might see a whole new side of the men in our world!
  

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